Writing the Apocalypse is a weekly series featuring the poems, essays, and recollections of Puma Perl, with subject matter influenced by her experiences as a NYC resident during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Flying By | BY PUMA PERL

A New York City year flies by,

an extended acid trip

Coming down like Alice

I don’t know what’s real

Everyone talking about

their last show

or restaurant meal

I remember mine

 

Thai food in midtown,

a bad Broadway play

11th Street Bar and Treehouse

in March, and in February,

Café Bohemia, our last performance

 

Also, that month, Bush Tetras’

40th Anniversary at Le Poisson Rouge

Everyone was there, everyone hugged

and jumped onstage, everyone singing

Too Many Creeps, everyone happy

 

From the beginning,

I thought about last hugs

If I’d known, would I still

have wandered alone,

stones in my pocket,

smooth as my faded thoughts?

 

If we’d all known,

would the sky have dropped

upon us, people walking

by in the chill of suddenly,

forgetting to look up?

 

Would I have wrapped myself

in scarves and found a place

where I no longer live,

without music, without sunrise?

 

Would I have searched

through empty photo albums,

pictures of everyone I touched

lying face down on cold tiles

like unbidden Tarot Cards,

eyes lips hands lost forever?

 

Would I have forgotten

the grace of sudden encounters,

surrendered to white sheets of silence?

 

From the beginning, I wondered

how you live without

the sweetness of longing

Would I forget how to want,

how to yearn? Would I hold

on tightly to the last hug

or turn away, alone and free,

as if I never cared?

 

And we talk and talk

about the music and the food

and the clubs and the gatherings,

drinks and bars and bands,

but not the hesitation

of stepping into open arms

What once was natural

and instinctive

now inspires thought,

and an end to fear.

 

© puma perl, 03/04/2021

 

 

Puma Perl is a poet and writer, with five solo collections in print. The most recent is Birthdays Before and After (Beyond Baroque Books, 2019.) She is the producer/creator of Puma’s Pandemonium, which brings spoken word together with rock and roll, and she performs regularly with her band Puma Perl and Friends. She’s received three New York Press Association awards in recognition of her journalism, and is the recipient of the 2016 Acker Award in the category of writing. Her most recent books can be found by clicking here.

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