BY MICHAEL MUSTO | Before the defining Stonewall revolt in 1969, gays had to devise a special language as a form of connecting with each other while lurking in a big, communal closet. But today, it’s more of a shared giggle, a coscripted kiki that’s out in the open, and it’s simultaneously hilarious and poignant.

For Pride month, I am hereby offering you the following extremely well researched gay lexicon—from someone who’s talked the gay talk for years—though I must say the definitions aren’t always all that serious. In fact, there’s a lot of satire going on here, gurl. Happy Pride! And watch what you say!

“Your hair looks awesome.”

Means

“Your hair is different. I can’t figure out exactly how, but something’s changed, and while I don’t like it at all, gays are supposed to comment positively on any new development in someone’s hair design. So, congrats on the ‘do, doll!”

 

“Okurrr?”

Means

“I’m a tired queen who just caught up with drag lingo from four years ago.”

 

“Hey, hunty!”

Means

“I’m a tired queen who just caught up with drag lingo from 40 years ago.”

 

“I’m serving some serious tea.”

Means

“I’m serving some serious dish.” (How did dish turn into tea? I don’t know, but either way, it means gossip. Okurrr?)

 

“Did you watch Drag Race last night?”

Means

“I didn’t. But let me act like I did while you fill me in on every detail.”

 

“I don’t have any singles on me.”

Means

“Get this drag queen away from me! I’m not gonna be forced to refinance my home just to watch some tired lip sync and a death drop!”

“I’m a twink.”

Means

“I was a twink. I’m now 35.”

 

“Everything Everywhere All At Once climaxed too many times. I mean, enough!”

Means

“I was on drugs.”

 

“Make some noise!”

Means

“Please don’t boo!”

 

“I’m an influencer.”

Means

“I never even heard of myself.”

 

“We’re finally getting married.”

Means

“This is the only way to get some excitement back in our relationship. Please don’t judge!”

“I’m a butch top.”

Means

“I secretly watch Bette Davis movies.”

 

“I’m vers.”

Means

“I’m a bottom.”

 

“I’m off to a lecture at a museum.”

Means

“Back to the gym!”

“I love the diversity of our community.”

Means

“I haven’t talked to a lesbian in 12 years.”

 

“I’ve been enjoying a couple of really promising relationships lately.”

Means

“I’m on Grindr every day, saying, ‘There’s a party in my pants! Come over for some sick, unbridled fun with toys and hot wax!’ ”

 

“Bitch!”

Means

“Bitch!”

–END–

Michael Musto is a columnist, pop cultural and political pundit, NYC nightlife chronicler, author, and the go-to gossip responsible for the long-running (1984-2013) Village Voice column, “La Dolce Musto.” His work appears on this website as well as Queerty.com and thedailybeast.com, and he is writing for the new Village Voice, which made its debut in April of 2021. Follow Musto on Instagram, via @michaelmusto.

 

 

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